Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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