I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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