i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
