Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
