remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
