I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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