so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
