I didn't shave. On purpose
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
