For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
