Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
