just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think your dad took our porno
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
