She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
