hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
