dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
