Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize