complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm like, not good at living.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
