I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
