Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
