Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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