i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
