My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
