Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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