Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
