His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
