the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
