wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
