I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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