I think I won the penis lottery.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
