In the future we'll all be gay
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
