apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
