We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Randomize
