dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
