dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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