So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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