Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Randomize
