Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
