I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
