Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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