let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
