Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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