jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
