Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
