I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
