Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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