That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
