I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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