Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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