My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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