Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
