No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
where am i from again
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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