Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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