i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize