an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
