Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize