allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
