i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
