Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
