does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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