You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm getting married
To pizza
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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