Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
