I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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