Pregnant stripper...not hot.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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