He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize