I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
