No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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