What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
