It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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